ย 

Sometimes you have to kill who you are, to bring forth who you truly are..

Our big brother John signed me, Hudz and Ceihla up in his team for the World ZUU tournament that was run online last October 2020 over 12 weeks.

It was a bloody hundy tournament run by the creator himself, Nathan Helberg.

It was designed to test you mentally and physically, but with the added support of your team and all the other teams joining in from all over the world.


Geezus ๐Ÿ˜ณ, did it live up to it's design.

I remember wanting to cry with frustration during our first benchmark effort.


How it worked was, we got given a workout based on our level of ability. You had a set time to complete a benchmark time and then 2 weeks to practice.

In the last week you had to beat your benchmark OR set your best time.


I was fucken close to crying ๐Ÿ˜ญ at the benchmark test.....

I had never had to push myself so hard to complete a workout. With the added pressure that I put on myself to get a good time for my team. Not that they were expecting anything from me, other than whatever I could do.


I remember stopping and saying to Ceihla, "I can't fucken do it" ๐Ÿ˜ฃ while trying to stop frustrated tears ๐Ÿ˜ข from falling out of my eyes. She had already finished this gruelling workout and set her benchmark. I wasn't even that far from the finish line. But I had hit the wall of what I thought I could do...


So what does she do? She says "come on Aunty, let's go". She takes the line and makes me finish what I started, all the while telling me to keep going, keep going, we are almost there.

I really just wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ™… I may have even imagined tackling her to the ground ๐Ÿ˜‚ ..... Later on, when I could breathe again, I told her that too and she cracked up and said "I would've told you to shut the fuck up and keep going".

But in real life๐Ÿ˜‰, I only had the energy to keep moving and no energy to talk, so with one step and one rep, I kept moving and completed that god awful bloody workout.


Something died in me that day..... I didn't realise what at this point though.... ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ


During competition week I tried to avoid thinking about having to do it again.

We had been practicing and training over the two weeks, since the benchmark train of doom from week one. Our big bro took us through Sunday afternoon sessions to get our technique right and teach us how to conserve energy.


I was still anxious about having to do it again. So our whole team got together via Zoom to complete the workout together. We blasted the music at my office opened all the windows and doors, found a space to compete and clicked into our online Zoom with Hudz and John.

Ceihla and I were the only ones that lived in the same place so we were lucky we had each other. Online and in person, the vibe was fucken amazing and all anxiety melted away as we went on to absolutely annihilate our benchmark times.

If I remember correctly Ceihla and I beat our times by between 19-21 minutes. Hudz and big brother had wayyyy harder workouts than us but they still managed to smash their benchmark times by over 5 minutes each.


After that we had two more months of the same tournament set up, but with increasingly more difficult workouts. Yay! ๐Ÿ˜–


Something shifted after that first month of competition. I told you something had died in me the day of the first benchmark, mental breakdown I had at the gym.

That day at the gym the part that died was the part in me that thought I had no more to give after fatigue set in. I thought I was done..... I thought I couldn't go on...


My central nervous system was in shock and thought I was under attack. So it sent me continuous mental alarm bells to try to make me stop. Our central nervous system has aa few jobs but it's primary job is to keep us safe and alive.